Christine Hargrove, financial therapist and researcher in the College of Family and Consumer Sciences, spoke with USA Today about helping adult children feel comfortable with moving out.
According to Hargrove, it’s important for the parent to understand why their adult child may not feel ready, or want, to move out. If a conversation has already been had, parents should analyze how the conversation went.
She recommended being transparent with children about finances. Parents should start when financial decisions maybe didn’t work out, so the kids can understand that not everything is “perfect.”
“Instead of saying ‘Here’s how you need to do your finances and you need to be an adult,’ now you can say, ‘I’d like to talk to you about how I do finances and how I do adulting,’” Hargrove said.
Before planning for a serious conversation about moving out, parents should look for signs of depression or anxiety in their child and seek professional assistance if necessary. If an underlying mental health issue is not present and the parents feel comfortable broaching the subject, Hargrove warns against doing so in a moment of anger or frustration.
Hargrove recommended easing the child into the conversation. Instead of immediately telling them to move out, parents should try discussing how the adult child sees their future.
If a parent sets a deadline for the child to move out, it’s important to follow through on that deadline.
“The trick with deadlines is if you have a deadline and you don’t stick to it, then it’s something that you really can’t use anymore,” she said.
For adult children that just won’t move out, Hargroves said parents can set firm boundaries while the child remains in the house. A contract with expectations can be useful.
Parents can positively influence their adult children to move out by encouraging them to feel confident. Hargrove encourages parents to dream with their adult children “not necessarily about what career they’ll have or how they’ll make so much money, but about the meaning and purpose that they can have about the way that they can interact with the world.”
